Feeld for Couples: The Complete Guide to Dating as a Pair

Feeld is one of the few dating apps designed with couples in mind from the start. Whether you're exploring ethical non-monogamy for the first time or you're seasoned veterans of the ENM community, Feeld offers unique features that make dating as a pair actually work.

But there's a lot that can go wrong. Couples on dating apps often develop a reputation for certain behaviors—unicorn hunting, treating thirds as accessories, poor communication. This guide helps you avoid those pitfalls and become the kind of couple that actually attracts great connections.

Setting Up Your Couple Profile

The first decision you'll face: how do you structure your Feeld presence as a couple?

Option 1: Linked Profiles

Feeld allows two individual profiles to "link," showing that you're connected partners. When someone views either profile, they can see both partners and understand you're a pair.

Pros:

Each person maintains individual identity
Clear that you're a real couple (two real profiles)
Can match with people individually or together
More flexible for various dating scenarios

Cons:

Requires both partners to maintain their profiles
Can be confusing for potential matches about how you operate

Best for: Couples who date both together and separately, or who want to emphasize that they're two individuals as well as a couple.

Option 2: Single Couple Profile

You can also create one profile that represents both of you together, making it clear from the start that you date as a unit.

Pros:

Simple and clear—you date together
One profile to manage
Immediate signal of your dynamic

Cons:

Less opportunity to show individual personalities
Can feel less "real" to potential matches
Some people are wary of couple profiles

Best for: Couples who exclusively date together and want that to be immediately clear.

Which Should You Choose?

Consider:

How do you date? If always together, a single couple profile is fine. If sometimes separate, linked profiles work better.
What do you want to signal? Linked profiles show you're real individuals; couple profiles show you're a package deal.
What's practical? If one partner isn't interested in maintaining their own profile, don't force it.

Writing Your Couple Bio

Your bio is crucial. It needs to convey who you both are, what you're looking for, and that you're the kind of couple worth meeting.

Show Both Personalities

The biggest mistake couples make is creating a bio that sounds like it was written by a committee. Instead, let both voices come through.

Less effective:

"We're a fun couple looking for fun times with the right person."

More effective:

"She's Maya, 32, marketing—the organized one who makes elaborate playlists and cooks elaborate meals. He's James, 35, architect—the spontaneous one who suggests midnight drives and midnight snacks. Together we're genuinely into each other and interested in expanding our world."

Be Clear About What You're Seeking

Vagueness is the enemy. Be specific about:

Are you looking for a third? Another couple? Either?
One-time experiences or something ongoing?
What gender/orientation are you open to?
What does connection look like for you?

Example:

"Seeking connection with a woman who's interested in both of us. Not looking for a one-time thing—we'd love to find someone who becomes part of our lives. Dinner, games nights, adventures, and whatever develops naturally."

Show That You've Done the Work

Experienced thirds often screen for couples who understand what they're asking. Signal that you get it:

Mention how long you've been open/ENM
Acknowledge the complexity
Show that you see potential matches as full people

Example:

"ENM for 3 years—we've done the reading, had the conversations, and learned from experience. We know what we're asking isn't simple, and we're committed to making any new connection feel genuinely valued."

What to Include

A strong couple bio covers:

Brief intro to each person
Your relationship structure and history
What you're specifically looking for
A conversation starter or question

Approaching Others: Best Practices

How you reach out matters enormously. Couples often struggle here because they're not sure who should message, how to convey both interests, and how to avoid seeming predatory.

Have Both Partners Engage

If you're messaging from a couple profile, make sure it's clear that both partners are interested and involved. A message that only reflects one person's perspective is a red flag.

Less effective:

"Hey, my wife and I saw your profile and you're beautiful. Want to chat?"

More effective:

"We both stopped scrolling when we saw your profile—your photos from that ceramics class made us genuinely curious. James is actually terrible at anything artistic, but Maya's been wanting to try pottery. What got you into it?"

Reference Their Profile Specifically

Generic messages are immediately obvious. Mention something specific—an interest, a line from their bio, something in their photos.

Don't Lead with Physical Compliments

"You're gorgeous" puts all the focus on appearance and comes across as objectifying. Start with personality, interests, or something they've written.

Be Upfront About Your Dynamic

If they don't already know you're a couple (e.g., if one partner is reaching out from an individual profile), disclose this early. Finding out later feels like bait-and-switch.

Let Them Set the Pace

Couples can feel overwhelming. You're two people; they're one. Be conscious of that power dynamic and let them take the lead on how fast things move.

Unicorn Hunting: The Ethics

Let's address the elephant in the room. "Unicorn hunting" has become a negative term in many ENM communities—but it doesn't have to apply to you.

What Makes Unicorn Hunting Problematic

The criticism isn't about couples seeking thirds. It's about specific behaviors:

Treating the third as a sex toy: Seeing them as an accessory to your relationship rather than a full person with their own needs and desires.

One Penis Policy: Rules like "she can be with us but not with other men" suggest the third's desires are constrained by the couple's insecurities.

Discardability: Using someone for an experience and then discarding them when the couple's needs are met.

Emotional hierarchy: Expecting the third to have feelings for both partners equally, while never allowing them to form deeper bonds than the original couple.

Veto power: Either partner can end the connection with the third at any time, without the third having any say.

How to Be Different

See them as an individual: They have their own life, desires, and needs. Your relationship is not the center of their universe.

Allow for unequal feelings: It's okay if they click more with one partner than the other, as long as everyone's honest about it.

Offer real connection: If you're only interested in a threesome and that's it, be honest. But if you want something ongoing, actually offer that.

Communicate about rules: If you have relationship rules, share them upfront. Don't surprise someone later with "actually, we don't allow this."

Treat them as a person, not a position: They're not "our third." They're [their name], a person you're dating who happens to date both of you.

Common Challenges and Solutions

Challenge: One Partner Gets More Attention

It's common for potential matches to be more interested in one partner than the other. This can bring up jealousy and insecurity.

Solutions:

Discuss this possibility before it happens
Remember that different connection with each partner is normal
Focus on your own relationship security
Be honest with matches about dynamics

Challenge: Mismatch in Enthusiasm

Sometimes one partner is more excited about dating than the other. This creates pressure and potential resentment.

Solutions:

Never pressure a reluctant partner
Explore why there's a mismatch (fear? disinterest? different desires?)
Consider whether you're actually ready to date as a couple
It's okay if one partner dates and the other doesn't

Challenge: Jealousy and Insecurity

New connections can trigger unexpected feelings, even when you thought you were prepared.

Solutions:

Expect some jealousy—it's normal
Talk about it openly and without shame
Check in with each other regularly
Go slow enough that feelings can be processed

Challenge: Finding People Who Want Both of You

The reality is, it's harder to find someone who genuinely wants to be with both partners than to find individual connections.

Solutions:

Be patient—it takes time
Consider whether you might be open to individual connections too
Make yourselves worth it by being great humans individually and together
Focus on quality over quantity

Challenge: Different Comfort Levels with Activities

One partner might be comfortable with something the other isn't. This can create awkwardness in potential connections.

Solutions:

Know your own and each other's boundaries before dating
Communicate these clearly to potential matches
Never pressure each other to expand boundaries for someone else's benefit
Be honest if interests don't align

Making the Connection Work

You've matched, you've messaged, and you're going to meet. Here's how to make it work:

First Meeting

Meet in public: A coffee shop or bar is ideal. Don't invite someone to your home for a first meeting.

Both partners should be present: If you're dating together, both of you should be at the first meeting.

Focus on getting to know them: This isn't about jumping into bed. It's about seeing if there's actual compatibility.

Let them talk: Couples can accidentally dominate conversations. Make space for them to share.

Check in with each other: After the date, talk about how you both felt and what you noticed.

Building Connection

Communicate as individuals and as a couple: They should be able to message either of you individually (unless you've agreed otherwise).

Include them in real activities: Invite them to dinner parties, game nights, outings—not just hookups.

Respect their time and other relationships: They have a life outside of you.

Be transparent about your relationship: Share when you're having issues, processing jealousy, or need to slow down.

If Things Get Serious

Some couple-third relationships become deeply significant. If that's happening:

Discuss what that means for everyone
Talk about practical things like scheduling, holidays, and life events
Consider what form the relationship is taking (triad? V? something else?)
Get comfortable with uncertainty—new relationship structures don't have scripts

Feeld-Specific Tips for Couples

Use the Photo Gallery Wisely

Include:

Photos of each partner individually
At least one photo together
Photos that show your lifestyle
No explicit photos (Feeld's rules, plus better to keep mystery)

Engage with Desires and Interests

Fill out both sections thoroughly for your couple profile. This helps people understand:

What you're seeking (Desires)
Who you are and what you enjoy (Interests)

Consider Premium (Majestic)

For couples, premium features can be particularly helpful:

See who's liked you (helps filter)
Additional filters (find specific types of connections)
More visibility

Be Active

Couples often create profiles and then forget about them. Regular activity keeps you visible and shows you're genuinely engaged.

Real Talk: Is Feeld Right for Your Relationship?

Before going all-in on couple dating, ask yourselves:

Are You Doing This for the Right Reasons?

Good reasons:

Genuine curiosity and desire to expand
Strong relationship foundation
Mutual enthusiasm

Less good reasons:

Hoping to fix relationship problems
One partner pressuring the other
Trying to fulfill a fantasy without considering the other person involved

Are You Prepared for the Emotional Work?

Dating as a couple requires more communication, more processing, and more potential for complicated feelings. Are you ready for that?

Have You Talked About the Hard Stuff?

Before dating, discuss:

What happens if one of you falls in love?
What happens if someone gets jealous?
What are your rules and boundaries?
How will you handle disagreements?
What are your safe words or stop signals?

Final Thoughts

Feeld is an incredible resource for couples who want to explore together. But success requires intentionality, communication, and genuine respect for the people you're connecting with.

The couples who do well on Feeld are the ones who:

See potential connections as full human beings
Communicate clearly and honestly
Are secure in their own relationship
Take responsibility for doing their own emotional work
Approach the experience with curiosity rather than entitlement

Be that couple, and you'll find that Feeld opens up a world of genuine, meaningful connections.

Need Help with Your Couple Profile?

Poise can help you craft a bio that shows both personalities, write openers that don't feel awkward, and keep conversations flowing. Because dating as a couple is hard enough without stressing over what to say.

Download Poise and date with confidence.