How to Start a Conversation on Feeld (That Actually Gets Replies)
Feeld-specific openers and first message strategies. Learn what works and what doesn't on the internet's most interesting dating app.
You matched. Now what?
On most dating apps, you can get away with "Hey, how's your week going?" On Feeld, that message disappears into the void. The people on this app are different—more intentional, more interesting, and frankly, more inundated with lazy openers.
The good news? The bar for standing out isn't actually that high. You just need to send something that shows you read their profile and have a genuine reason to connect.
This guide breaks down exactly how to craft openers that get responses—whether you're messaging an individual, a couple, or navigating the delicate dance of kink-forward communication.
Why Feeld Conversations Are Different
Before we get into templates, let's understand what makes Feeld unique as a conversational environment.
People Are More Direct
Feeld users tend to know what they're looking for. They've often done the internal work to understand their desires, boundaries, and relationship preferences. This means vague, noncommittal messages fall flat. They're looking for someone who can match their intentionality.
Profiles Reveal More
The average Feeld profile contains way more information than a Tinder bio. You'll see relationship structures, desires, interests, and often entire paragraphs explaining what someone is looking for. This is a gift—use it.
The Stakes Feel Higher
Many Feeld users are exploring non-monogamy, kink, or alternative relationship structures for the first time. This can make conversations feel weightier. Acknowledging this vulnerability (without being heavy about it) goes a long way.
Both People Can Message First
Unlike some apps, there's no enforced messaging structure. This means your opener is competing with others right from the start. Make it count.
The Anatomy of a Great Feeld Opener
The best openers share a few key elements:
1. Specificity
Reference something from their profile. Not "I like your bio" but "That thing you said about [specific detail]—I feel the same way about [related topic]."
2. Curiosity
Ask a real question, not a yes/no interrogation. Questions that invite storytelling get better responses than questions that can be answered in one word.
3. Low Pressure
Don't front-load expectations. Your first message isn't a commitment request—it's an invitation to chat.
4. Personality
Let your voice come through. If you're funny, be funny. If you're earnest, be earnest. Generic messages feel impersonal because they are.
5. Easy Response
Make it clear what they should respond to. One question or observation, not five. Give them a clear on-ramp.
15 Opener Templates by Situation
Here are proven templates organized by who you're messaging and the context. Adapt these to your voice and the specific profile in front of you.
For Messaging Individuals
Template 1: The Profile Deep-Dive
"Your point about [specific thing they said] really resonated with me. I've been thinking about [related topic] a lot lately—especially [your angle on it]. What got you thinking about that?"
Example:
"Your point about needing connection before attraction really resonated with me. I've been thinking about how demisexuality gets misunderstood as 'just being picky'—when it's actually about how attraction works, not who you're attracted to. What's helped you explain that to people?"
Template 2: The Shared Interest Spark
"[Specific shared interest] + [specific shared interest] is an unusual combination. I'm curious about the overlap—how did you get into both?"
Example:
"Rock climbing and fermenting things is an unusual combination. I'm curious about the overlap—do you bring the patience from one into the other, or are they totally different parts of your brain?"
Template 3: The Genuine Compliment
"I don't usually comment on [thing you're complimenting], but yours actually made me want to message. [Specific observation about why]."
Example:
"I don't usually comment on bios, but yours actually made me want to message. The way you described your ideal Sunday—specific but not prescriptive—sounds like exactly my kind of day."
Template 4: The Vulnerable Connect
"I'm relatively new to [Feeld/ENM/this kind of dating] and your profile made me feel like you'd understand the learning curve. [Genuine question about their experience]."
Example:
"I'm relatively new to Feeld and your profile made me feel like you'd understand the learning curve. You mentioned you've been ENM for a few years—what do you wish someone had told you early on?"
Template 5: The Playful Challenge
"You said [bold claim from their bio]. I'm intrigued but skeptical. [Playful challenge or question]."
Example:
"You said you make the best tacos. I'm intrigued but skeptical. What's your signature move—the protein, the salsa, or some secret third thing I haven't considered?"
For Messaging Couples
Template 6: The Inclusive Address
"Hey [Name] and [Name]—I really appreciated how you described your dynamic. [Specific observation]. I'm curious: [question that invites both to respond]."
Example:
"Hey Maya and Jordan—I really appreciated how you described your dynamic. It sounds like you've really thought about how to date as a unit while treating people as individuals. I'm curious: how do you usually navigate conversations when one of you feels more initial connection than the other?"
Template 7: The Shared Interest (Couples Edition)
"I see we share [interest]. For couples, I'm always curious—is that something you both do together, something one of you got the other into, or separate lanes that just happen to overlap?"
Example:
"I see we share a love of board games. For couples, I'm always curious—is that something you both do together, or does one of you have to be convinced? (Asking because I'm always looking for people who'll actually enjoy a 3-hour strategy game.)"
Template 8: The Logistics Acknowledgment
"I'll be honest—I've had mixed experiences with couples on apps. But your profile suggests you've thought about [specific thing they mentioned]. I'm curious to learn more about how you approach [dating/meeting new people/etc]."
Example:
"I'll be honest—I've had mixed experiences with couples on apps. But your profile suggests you've thought about consent and communication in a way that feels intentional. I'm curious to learn more about how you approach meeting new people."
Template 9: The Kitchen Table Invitation
"I noticed you mentioned [poly style/relationship structure]. That's how I'm wired too—connection feels better when everyone can be in the room. What does that look like for you in practice?"
Example:
"I noticed you mentioned kitchen table poly. That's how I'm wired too—connection feels better when everyone can be in the room, even if relationships are separate. What does that look like for you two in practice?"
For Kink-Forward Conversations
Template 10: The Interest Match
"I noticed we share some interests [or: I'm curious about something you mentioned]. I'm at [experience level]—would love to hear more about your journey with [specific thing] if you're open to chatting about it."
Example:
"I noticed we both have an interest in power exchange dynamics. I'm still exploring what that means for me—would love to hear more about your journey with D/s if you're open to chatting about it."
Template 11: The Respectful Curiosity
"Your profile mentioned [kink/interest]. I'm curious but don't want to assume or overstep. Is that something you're open to discussing with people you're just getting to know, or does that come later?"
Example:
"Your profile mentioned rope. I'm curious but don't want to assume—are you looking for connections where that's central, or is it more of a 'might come up eventually' thing?"
Template 12: The Experience Spectrum
"I've been [exploring/practicing] [interest] for [time period]. I appreciate that you mentioned [specific thing]—it suggests [positive assumption]. What are you hoping to find on here?"
Example:
"I've been exploring the kink community for about two years now. I appreciate that you mentioned communication being as important as scenes—it suggests we might be aligned on how we approach things. What are you hoping to find on here?"
For Recovery After Slow Responses
Template 13: The Graceful Re-Engagement
"Hey—I know apps can get overwhelming and messages fall through the cracks. No pressure, but I'm still interested in chatting if you are. [Light, easy question]."
Example:
"Hey—I know apps can get overwhelming and messages fall through the cracks. No pressure, but I'm still interested in chatting if you are. What's been taking up your mental space lately?"
Template 14: The New Angle
"I was [doing thing related to their profile] and thought of our conversation. [New question or observation based on new information]."
Example:
"I was at a show last night and thought of our conversation—you mentioned you're into live music. The opener was this really weird experimental act that I think you would have either loved or hated. Do you lean toward 'the weirder the better' or do you have limits?"
Template 15: The Honest Check-In
"Realizing I might have misjudged the energy here. If you're not feeling the conversation, no worries at all—just let me know either way so I'm not wondering."
Example:
"Realizing I might have misjudged the vibe here. If you're not feeling the conversation, no worries at all—I'd rather know than wonder. If you are interested and it's just been a hectic week, I'm still here."
What NOT to Send: Messages That Get Ignored
Learning what works is half the battle. Learning what doesn't work is the other half.
The One-Word Wonder
"Hey" "Hi" "Hello there"
These messages make the other person do all the work. On Feeld, where people have put effort into their profiles, it signals that you didn't read anything.
The Copy-Paste Special
"I love your profile! You seem really interesting and I'd love to get to know you better. What are you looking for on here?"
This could be sent to anyone. It doesn't reference anything specific. People can tell.
The Interrogation
"Hey! I saw you're into ENM. How long have you been ENM? What's your relationship structure? What are you looking for? Are you looking for something ongoing or more casual?"
Too many questions at once feels overwhelming. Pick one thread and follow it.
The Immediate Intensity
"I feel like we'd have such an amazing connection. I can already tell you're my type. When can we meet?"
Slow down. You don't know this person yet, and assuming instant compatibility is presumptuous.
The Negotiation Opener
"I see you're looking for [thing]. I'm not exactly that, but maybe we could figure something out?"
If their profile says they're looking for something specific and you're not it, don't lead with a request for an exception.
The Explicit First Message
[Any overtly sexual opener before establishing mutual interest]
Even on Feeld, consent and progression matter. Starting with explicit content before any rapport exists is a red flag for most people.
The Self-Deprecating Apology
"Sorry to bother you, I'm sure you get a lot of messages. I'm not great at this but I figured I'd try anyway..."
Confidence matters. You don't need to apologize for existing in someone's inbox.
Reading the Room: Context Cues
Great openers aren't just about the words—they're about reading context and calibrating accordingly.
When They Have a Detailed Profile
Go deep. Reference specific things. Ask questions that show you read the whole thing. These people put effort in and will notice if you did too.
When They Have a Minimal Profile
Keep it light and observation-based. Something about their photos, their energy, or a general interest. Don't over-interpret.
When They've Listed Specific Interests
Lead with that shared ground. "I noticed we're both into [specific thing]" is a strong foundation.
When They've Mentioned Being New
Acknowledge it without being condescending. "I appreciate the honesty about where you are in your journey" opens space without assuming.
When They're a Couple
Address both people. Acknowledge the complexity of what they're asking. Show you understand the dynamics involved.
When Kink is Prominently Featured
Match their energy level. If they've been open about their interests, you can be open too—but still lead with connection, not just logistics.
The Follow-Up: Keeping Conversations Going
Getting a response is only the first step. Here's how to build on it.
Match Their Energy
If they write paragraphs, write paragraphs. If they're brief but warm, mirror that. Conversational synchrony builds rapport.
Build on What They Share
Each response should demonstrate that you read and absorbed what they said. Reference their words, ask follow-up questions, make connections.
Introduce New Threads
While following up on their topics, occasionally add new things about yourself. Conversation is exchange, not interview.
Move Toward Meeting (When Appropriate)
After good rapport is established (could be a few messages, could be a few days), it's okay to suggest moving to another platform or meeting in person. "I'm enjoying this conversation—any interest in continuing it over coffee?" is direct without being pushy.
Read the Fade
If responses are getting shorter, less engaged, or more delayed, it might be time to acknowledge it. The Honest Check-In (Template 15) can help clarify without being needy.
Specificity: The Secret Weapon
If there's one principle that underlies everything in this guide, it's this: specificity creates connection.
Generic messages feel like spam because they could be sent to anyone. Specific messages feel like conversation because they could only be sent to this person.
Look at the difference:
Generic: "I love your profile! We have a lot in common." Specific: "I also have a thing for dive bars with inexplicably good food. What's your current favorite?"
Generic: "You seem interesting." Specific: "The way you described your relationship with your nesting partner—'we're each other's home base but not each other's whole world'—is exactly how I've been thinking about things lately."
Generic: "Would love to chat more." Specific: "I'm curious about the fermentation thing—are we talking sourdough, kimchi, or something more ambitious?"
Specificity takes more effort. It requires actually reading profiles and thinking about what to say. But it's the difference between messages that get ignored and conversations that lead somewhere.
For the Anxious Messagers
If you're reading this and feeling overwhelmed, here's a simpler framework:
- Read their whole profile. Actually read it.
- Find one thing that resonates. Something you genuinely connect with or are curious about.
- Write two sentences. One observation or connection, one question.
- Send it. Don't overthink.
Your first message doesn't have to be perfect. It has to be genuine and specific. That's it.
The people who do well on Feeld aren't necessarily the cleverest or most articulate. They're the ones who show up with genuine interest in the person on the other end.
Need Help Getting Started?
Crafting the perfect opener can feel paralyzing—especially when you're genuinely interested in someone and don't want to mess it up.
Poise is an AI dating assistant designed to help you write authentic, confident messages. It reads profiles, understands context, and helps you find the words when you're stuck.
Because the goal isn't to be smooth. It's to be you—with a little help finding the words.